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Communication Skills Lecture Content

MODULE 2: Communication Skills Lecture Content

Topics covered:

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  • Language
  • Listening

Language is the tool we use to communicate. When we use verbal communication, we tend to follow patterns of our nation, geographic region, cultural tradition and even our generation. It is an asset for the exchange of information, as well as the source of many problems as new words and phrases and new slang are constantly introduced into society. Language not only describes people, places and ideas, but it also shapes our perceptions. And, it is governed by rules for use. Language in today’s world has changed. When we learn and understand different uses of language and the problems language use can produce, it can better help us to understand and communicate with others.

Listening has become one of the biggest problems in any communication exchange today. So many things we do every day encourage passive listening. Meaning, we do not listen well because we do not need to since our electronic devices can help us remember. However, what happens when we are in the middle of a conversation, meeting, or discussion and we fail to listen. We are not showing our competence. Listening and hearing are not the same thing. You can hear and not listen. Therefore, we tend to fall into very bad listening behaviors. Learning to become a better listener will allow us to be on our way to being a better communicator and form better responses. .

Objectives

Upon completion of this module, the student will be able to:

• Describe how effective listening can contribute to your career success.

• Explain how false assumptions about listening could cause problems at work.

• Identify the barriers to listening effectively and the faulty listening behaviors.

• Explain strategies for overcoming barriers.

• Describe the listening styles.

• Explain how knowing your style could help you understand others better.

• Define guidelines for listening to understand and be able to create appropriate paraphrasing responses in given situations.

• Explain the power of language.

• Describe business situations in which ambiguous or specific language is preferable.

• Define inflammatory language.

• Identify examples of each type of inflammatory language and describe ways to fix that language.

• Define powerful and positive language and apply specific examples to your career field.

• Explain gender and language differences and compare and contrast characteristically feminine and masculine language use.

• Describe the potential benefits and problems arising from differences in masculine and feminine language use.

Readings

  • Adler, Fuehrer, Elmhorst, Lucas (2019) – Chapters 3-4

Activities

  • Review the Lecture Content.
  • Watch videos to gain an idea of geographical slang and gender differences.
  • Participate and complete module discussion by the posted due date.
  • Complete the language and listening assignment.

Part 1: Language/Verbal Messages

Language: a collection of symbols governed by rules and used to convey messages between individuals.

It is used and understood to express ideas and feelings within a community, nation, geographic region or cultural tradition.  Language is specific depending on where you are.

Each workplace has it’s own language and language use.  In the legal field, it has a name: “legalese”.  Profanity and blunt speaking is very commonly used, and many times accepted, in construction, police and fire departments, and military.  The medical field also has it’s own language and language use, but interestingly, doctors and nurses tend to speak differently. 

According to studies conducted by health communication researcher Dr. Athena DuPre’, she reported that nurses tend to communicate better with patients than most doctors do because they tend to connect more to the nurturing side of the field and are more empathetic, and therefore express that to patients.  Doctors tend to connect more with the medical science side, and sometimes do not communicate well to patients.

Characteristics:

Language is symbolic.
Symbols are arbitrary constructions that represent a communicator’s thoughts. Words as well as sign language are symbols. They represent certain meanings.  Even actual signs, such as road signs, represent meaning.

Meanings are in people, not words
Meanings are in people, not words—as with physical symbols, the place to look for meaning in language is in the way people make sense of them. Meanings people associate with words have far more significance than do their dictionary definitions.

Language is rule governed.

Phonological Rules

Phonological Rules deal with sounds or pronunciations; how words are pronounced. Words can be pronounced differently, but still be correct. We also have to be mindful that different areas of the U.S., such as the difference in the pronunciation of some words in the northern versus the southern states. Such as the words pecan, caramel, roof, or route. There is no “wrong” pronunciation. Language is a tool, and we use the tool the way the area in which we live uses language.  If a word is pronounced in that area, that is “right” in that area.

Syntactic Rules:

Syntactic Rules govern the structure of language, the way symbols can be arranged. Syntax is grammar. The English language has a structure that follows grammar rules. In English, we would not say “Have you the cookies bought?” That is a syntax error.  (Sounds like Yoda, doesn’t it?)

In other languages, the structure is like that because of the different rules of the language. Technology has changed syntax with the short hand that we use in social emails, tweets, text messages or instant messages. Such as: “Hey! R u at home?”

Syntax is known as the denotative meaning of language. Meaning, this is the dictionary meaning of language; or the objective meaning (facts). We cannot argue with the grammar rules.

Semantic Rules:

Semantic Rules deal with the study of meaning; what the words suggest. This is more of what you mean as opposed to what you said. Semantic misunderstandings occur when words can be interpreted in more than one way. Sarcasm can change the meanings of a word.

Semantics is known as the connotative meaning; the subjective meaning (opinion). This can be confusing if one interprets differently than another.

Pragmatic Rules:

Pragmatic Rules govern how people use language in everyday interaction. This can be understood as the rules to communication; as well as it can be considered the contextual, applied meaning of language.

Rules of language would be the rules to how we communicate. Some rules would be: we take turns, we do not interrupt others when they are speaking, and we know when not to speak at certain times and what language is and is not appropriate.

Contextual/applied meanings would be the language used at that particular time. For example, we may say things when we are at a heightened state of emotion and not mean to use the language at that moment. If you are in an argument with your significant other and you get very angry, you may call them a name. You meant to say it at that moment because you were man, but you do not usually use that language in regular conversations.

Part 2: The Power of Language

Language is very powerful. Not only is it our tool for exchanging information, but it also influences others and reflects our attitudes. It can help and nurture and it can harm or destroy. And, once it is stated, it cannot be removed

Language shapes attitudes.

Naming

Our names are more than just identification. They shape the way others think about us the way we view ourselves, and the way we act.

Phonetic features of a name affect the way we regard the person.

Names are also a way to shape and reinforce a child’s personal identity. Naming a baby after a family member can create a connection between the child and the namesake.

Distinctive names can create solidarity.

Names can also have a connection with culture.

Credibility

Scholarly speaking is an example of how speech style influences perception.

Speakers who speak well and use very scholarly language will be perceived as being credible, even if in some cases they are not. When you have the language with the credibility wrapped together, that is seen as most credible. The same is seen in academic writing.

Status

The power of speech can influence status. High status individuals tend to use language very well and in a more proper fashion (of course, depending on who they are).

Accent, choice of words, speech rate, and even the apparent age of a speaker are factors that can create a positive or negative perception about the speaker.

Speakers are viewed as more competent and more self-confident when using proper language and speech.

Sexism and Racism

The power of language goes beyond individual cases and influences how we perceive entire groups of people.

Some argue the incorrect use of the pronoun “he” to refer to both men and women can be damaging.

Also, there should be the consideration of non-binary language: gender identity that exists outside of the binary male or female.  In other words, what are the individual’s personal pronounce: he, him and his – she, her and hers – them, their and theirs – ze and hir.  (See below in Gender Language).

Nonsexist language is preferred in some areas: mankind should be replaced with humankind; man-made should be replaced with artificial or manufactured; manpower should be replaced with human power or workforce.

The other side of the argument is that some are taking this idea of these words being sexist too far. However, the idea is to be appropriate in a generalized manner.

The power of racist language to shape attitudes is difficult to avoid , even when it is obviously offensive.

The use of labels for racist purposes has a long past in stigmatizing certain groups that other groups have disapproved of.

By using derogatory terms to label some people, the out-group is set apart. Since September 11th, many Muslim people have been referred to as “terrorists”. When not all Muslims are terrorists. During the Vietnam era, the enemy became “gooks.”

Language reflects attitudes.

Power

There is a difference between powerful and powerless language. And, that difference creates a perception about the power within that person.

These language patterns either add to, or detract from, a speaker’s ability to influence others. Powerless language does not allow for control over as situation.

Powerless: “Excuse me, sir, I hate to say this, but I…uh…I guess I won’t be able to turn in the project on time. I had a personal emergency and…well…it was just impossible to finish it by today. I’ll have it to you on Monday, ok?”

Powerful: “I won’t be able to turn in the project on time. I had a personal, documented emergency, and it was impossible to finish it by today. I’ll have it to you first thing Monday.”

Affiliation

Language can be a way of building and demonstrating solidarity with others.

Speakers showing affiliation with others by adapting their speech including their choice of vocabulary, rate of talking, number and placement of pauses, and level of politeness.

This linguistic accommodation online or face-to-face is called convergence.

Linguistic intergroup bias reflects whether or not we regard others as part of our in-group.

Attraction and interest

Social customs discourage us from expressing like or dislike in situations. Cautious suitors may not admit their attraction to a potential partner. Even if we do not speak openly, the language use can suggest their degree of interest.

Some ways to clue in to the language use are:

Demonstrative pronoun use: “These people want our help” (positive). “Those people want our help” (less positive).

Negation: “It is good” (positive). “It is not bad “(less positive).

Sequential placement: Dick and Jane (Dick is more important). Jane and Dick (Jane is more important). However, sequence is not always significant. You may put something at the top of your grocery list simply because it was the first thing you thought of; not necessarily because it was the most important item.

Responsibility

Language can reveal the speaker’s willingness to accept responsibility for a message:

“It” versus “I” statements: It’s not finished (less responsible) vs. I didn’t finish it (more responsible).

“You” versus “I” statements: You make me angry (less responsible) vs. I get angry when you do that (more responsible). I statements are more likely to generate positive reactions from others compared to accusatory ones.

“But” statements: It’s a good idea, but it won’t work. You are really terrific, but I think we ought to spend less time together. (But, cancels everything out that went before the word).

Questions versus statements: Do you think we ought to do that? (less responsible) vs. I don’t think we should do that (more responsible).

Part 3: Troublesome Language

The Language of Misunderstandings

Some problems that language use can produce are

Equivocal Language

Equivocal words have more than one, correct dictionary definition. These words can be tricky because they have multiple meanings. They can cause confusion if not used clearly.

Words such as: green or gay. There can be cultural differences in certain words that can mean differences as well. A “rubber” in England is an eraser. In the U.S. it refers to a condom. To say “can you give me a ride” in Ireland has a sexual connotation when in the U.S. it refers to driving us to a location.

Relative Words

Relative Words gain their meaning by comparisons or by a numerical meaning. But, the issue is that we do not clearly know what the number or comparison may be.

Words such as fast or slow, short or long. Or other numeric words such as some, few, several, many or a couple.

Slang and Jargon

Slang is language used by a group of people who belong to a similar co-culture. Some slang is related to specialized interests or activities.

This can cause confusion if one does not know that “bonking” in cycling refers to getting tired. Or “bling” in hip hop terms means jewelry.

Jargon is the specialized vocabulary that functions as a short hand for people with common backgrounds and experience. Acronyms are an example of this. In the military AWOL means “absent without leave”. Technical jargon referring to any technical job that may only be understood in that area.

Overly Abstract Language

Overly Abstract Language – these are words that are used that are difficult to define because they are so widely used and can refer to many different things. The definition is within the user. And, they can cause problems because they are not clear to the meaning. Words such as love, hate or obscenity can be abstract words.

Or, when referring to:

  • A book
  • A textbook
  • A communication textbook
  • Understanding Human Communication
  • Chapter 4 of Understanding Human Communication
  • Page 117 of Chapter 4 of Understanding Human Communication
  • Which is the most defined?

Disruptive and Inflammatory Language

Not all communication problems come from misunderstandings. Sometimes people understand, but the language creates conflict.

Fact vs. Opinion statements, confusing facts and inferences, emotive language as well as profanity and racial or sexist terms can all cause disruption in communication because we are not accurate, we are rude, or we are downright offensive.

Inflammatory language can also generate negative feelings: antagonism, defensiveness, and prejudice; and it is one of the most common causes of conflict escalation. 

Examples would be calling an Asian person “Oriental” when that term refers to past prejudices.  Referring to a Muslim and saying: “Why don’t you just give him a pork sandwich?”, when pork is not eaten and pigs are seen as dirty animals and it is offensive to eat.  Saying to a female employee:  “Sweetheart, grab me that report and sit your pretty little self here and let’s talk.”  Calling a black, male employee “boy”.

Evasive Language

This is when we are purposely avoiding communication. Euphemisms and equivocations are two types of evading language used. It can be used legitimately, but these can also lead to confusion.

Euphemisms are pleasant terms used to substitute a less pleasant term. Calling someone “overweight” as opposed to “fat”. Saying “senior citizen” as opposed to calling someone “old”.

Equivocations are deliberately vague statements that can be interpreted more than one way. You are running late for dinner and your partner comes out and asks: “How do I look?” You respond with “You look great. I’ve never seen an outfit like that before. Where did you get it?” That could be taken as an insult, when in fact this is a vague statement that could be taken one way or another.

Using Language Well

Because the most basic language problems involve misunderstandings, we start by examining how to prevent this sort of miscommunication and look at times when a lack of clarity can actually be desirable.

Use unequivocal terms to avoid misunderstandings.

Examples:

  • Plane tickets and hotel reservations for a business meeting in Portland are booked for Oregon instead of Maine.
  • A client asks a contractor for a mid-project change: “Can you move that door from here to there?” The contractor replies, “No problem.” Later, the client is astonished to find that she has been charged for the change order.
  • You agree to call on a client at home at “dinner time” in a part of the country where “dinner” is midday and “supper” is in the evening. When you appear at 6:00 pm, the client asks why you didn’t arrive at the promised time.

Use lower level abstractions and remove relative terms when clarity is essential.

Examples:

  • This job will take a little longer. (How long?)
  • We need some market research.  (How much and specifically what?)
  • Straighten up the area.  (Thoroughly clean or spot clean?)

Use slang with caution.

Casual, slang-laden speech may be fine off the job, but it can create the wrong impression with bosses, clients, and even colleagues.

We speak in so much slang in America that other cultures do not understand us.  We speak “American” here, not “English”.  When working with those from other cutlures, be mindful.

Use jargon judiciously.

While incomprehensible language may impress listeners, it doesn’t help them to understand an idea,

If your goal is to explain yourself (and not merely to build your image), the ideal mixture may be a combination of clear language sprinkled with a bit of professional jargon.

Use ambiguous language when it is strategically desirable.

In low-context cultures like the United States and Canada, speaking directly is valued.

High-context cultures have made an art of strategic ambiguity, finding ways to express difficult messages indirectly.

Example:

Instead of criticizing a report and stating “You are completely wrong and this is not acceptable.”  State: “I would like you to reflect on your proposal a while.”

Avoid inflammatory language.

Avoid biased language – problems arise when speakers intentionally or unintentionally use biased language—terms that seem to be objective but actually conceal an emotional bias.

E.g. – “She’s so wishy-washy”. This may say she is not strong enough to make a decision.

Beware of trigger words. Some terms have such strong emotional associations they act almost like a trigger, setting off an intense emotional reaction in certain listeners.

E.g. – Firing vs. Downsizing; Also, profanity, racial slurs, slurs against someone’s sexual orientation, etc.

Choose the optimal degree of power language.

The way you speak can shape how others perceive you.

Some types of language make a speaker sound less powerful, while other types create an air of power and confidence.

E.g. – “This is good, isn’t it?” vs. “This is good.”

Speakers to need to be careful not to be too powerful, especially when the situation does not call for it. One can be perceived as arrogant and aggressive.

Use positive language.

Imagine your boss comes to you at 4:45 pm and asks you to do a job as soon as possible. You could say, “I can’t get to that tonight. It’ll have to wait until tomorrow.” Or instead, you could reply “I’ll get to that first thing in the morning.”  It is easy to see which response is viewed more favorably.

Limit disfluencies.

Disfluencies are utterances that add no meaning to a statement. Interjections like “umm,” “you know,” and “like” can make a smart idea sound less persuasive.

Another filler word often viewed negatively, especially by older generations, is “like”…ugh…stop it!

Gender and Language

Studies have explored the differences in the way that men and women speak. However, looking at the differences between masculine and feminine speech does not always refer to men and women. It is how people use their language. A majority of the time, it does refer to men and women because stereotypical masculine language is usually used by men. As stereotypical feminine language us usually used by women.  However, we need to consider that “gender” does not always relate to sex.

If you are unsure of what pronouns to use with a person, just use their name, or use “them, their and theirs”.  Most non-binary individuals will tell you their pronouns.  Gender language is changing and can be confusing, but the most important thing to do is to be respectful.

Fore more information, watch this short video from TBS Canada for an explanation:

Understanding non-binary (Links to an external site.)

Language and Differences by Gender

Feminine and Masculine Language

Culture affects communication. Some social scientists have suggested that conversation between men and women is a kind of cross-cultural communication in which members of each sex are not speaking different dialects but genderlects”.

As stated earlier, remember, this is not always binary.  Stereotypically, most men tend to use more masculine speech and most women tend to use more feminine speech…but, not always!

Feminine Language Use

Rapport talk – used to create connections, establish goodwill, show support, and build community.

Language is an expressive tool: to articulate emotions (“I’m worried about finishing those reports today”; “I’m glad everybody had a chance to speak”) and clarify relationships (“We don’t seem to be working well together.”)

Supportive tools. Those with more feminine characteristics are most likely to listen and respond to spoken and unspoken conversational clues about the other person’s feelings.

Tentative in nature. This is reflected in questioning forms (“Could we go now?” “Would you type that for me?”), hedges and disclaimers (“I’m not sure about these figures. …”; “This might not be a good time to bring this up, but. …”), and tag questions (“The report is due today, isn’t it?”)

Conversational initiation and maintenance are also characteristic of feminine speech.

Masculine Language Use

Report talk – speech that focuses less on feelings and relationships and more on information, facts, knowledge, and competence. Masculine use is more inclined to use language to claim attention, assert a position, establish status, and show independence.

Uses language instrumentally (as opposed to expressively) to get things done: report information, solve visible problems, achieve, accomplish, attain, execute, and perform. E.g., “Fax these reports to accounting”; “I’ll make reservations at Sara’s”; “Finish that proposal by Monday.” Those with more masculine characteristics often use language to define status.

Characteristically masculine approach is to offer advice that will lead to a solution.

Characteristically masculine speech is more assertive, certain, direct, and authoritative using statements of fact rather than opinion: “That deduction belongs on Schedule C” rather than “I think that’s a Schedule C deduction.” Declarative sentences and dropped pitch at the end create a sense of sureness and authority.

Typically includes several characteristics of conversational dominance or control: verbosity, topic control, and interruptions.

Most research supports the statement that in public conversations between men and women, men talk at greater length.

Often in response to questions from women, men decide which topic of conversation to pursue and talk longer than the women in the same conversation.

Research on interruptions is mixed regarding who interrupts more, but it appears that the purpose of men’s interruptions is often to gain control of the conversational topic, or the conversation itself.

Content

Both men and women talk frequently about work, movies and television.

Female friends spend more time discussing relational issues such as family, friends and emotions.

Men are more likely to discuss recreational topics such as sports, technology and nightlife. These differences can lead to frustration when men and women converse with each other.

Reasons for Communicating

Men and women use language to build and maintain relationships. How they accomplish these goals is different.

Men are more likely to make conversations finite. There is more joking and good natured teasing involved.

Women’s conversations focus more frequently on feelings, relationships and personal problems.

Men’s speech uses language to accomplish the job at hand than to nourish relationships. Also, men are more likely to use conversation to exert control, preserve independence, and enhance their status. It can be seen as more of a game.

Conversational Styles

The myth that women are more talkative than men may not be accurate. Men and women speak roughly the same amount of words a day.

Women ask more questions in mixed-sex conversations than men. Men interrupt women far more than the other way around, especially on the job.

Some argue that differences like these result in women’s speech as being less powerful and more emotional than men.

Even in electronic communication, messages composed by women tend to have more laughter and emoticons to show more expression.

Women tend to be more accommodating to the topics men raise, and men tend to talk about themselves more with women than with other men.

Meeting Gender Related Challenges

Problems can arise when stereotypically masculine and feminine language styles clash on the job—often without anyone knowing exactly why. 

Here are some ways to meet these challenges:

1. Be aware of different styles. Once you are aware that men and women have been taught to use language differently, there’s less likelihood of being dismayed at a style that doesn’t match yours.

2. Switch styles when appropriate. Being bilingual is an obvious advantage in a multicultural world. In the same way, using a communication style that is uncharacteristic of you can be useful.

3. Combine styles. Effective communication may not be an either–or matter of choosing one style. In many situations, you may get the best results by combining typically masculine and feminine approaches.

***Watch the video below to get a fun example of regional language and words.  Click here to download a transcript of the video: Carolina_Outer_Banks_Brogue_Vocabulary_-_YouTube.pdf

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPWKYaN0ens&feature=youtu.be (Links to an external site.) 

Part 4: Listening

Because listening skills are a key to good service. Good listeners are judged to be both appealing and trustworthy. Listening is just as important in personal relationships and had been ranked at the top of the list of importance.

However, much of the listening we do is not effective. So many activities in our day encourage passive listening. And, the electronic dependence has made it so we do not have to listen as well. We misunderstand others and are misunderstood in return.

Listening at Work:

The Importance of Listening

In numerous studies, listening proves to be the most important communication skill throughout one’s career in terms of job and career success, productivity, upward mobility, and organizational effectiveness.

Flynn, J., Valikoski, T., & Grau, J. (2008). Listening in the business context: Reviewing the state of research. International Journal of Listening, 22, 141– 15

Some facts…

  • The average executive spends about 65-90% of their workday listening.
  • Most adults are poor listeners.
  • In an average conversation, we hold about 25-50% accuracy.
  • In a 10 minute presentation: immediately after we have approximately a 25% recall; 48 hours after the presentation, we have about a 50% recall..

Listening remains important throughout your career.

Misconceptions About Listening:

Listening and Hearing are NOT the Same Thing!

Hearing is the process in which sound waves strike the eardrum and cause vibrations that are transmitted to the brain. This is the physical response (when there is no dysfunction of the ear).

Listening is when the brain reconstructs the electrochemical impulses into a representation of the original sound and then gives them meaning. Paying close attention to and making sense of what we hear. This is the cognitive process.

We hear all day…but, we do not listen all day. Listening requires a lot of effort and is hard work. It required us to turn our brain on high and focus. Studies have shown that when we are actively listening we are using energy and our bodies are involved.

Three stages of listening

1.Attending
The act of paying attention to a signal (focus)

2.Understanding
The process of making sense of the signal

3.Responding
Giving observable feedback (verbal or nonverbal)

Assumptions:

Faulty Assumption 1: Effective Communication Is the Sender’s Responsibility (communication depends on the receiver as well as the sender).

Faulty Assumption 2Listening Is Passive. Some communicators mistakenly assume that listening is basically a passive activity in which the receiver is a sponge which is not the case when active.

Faulty Assumption 3Talking Has More Advantages. At first glance, it seems that speakers control conversations while listeners are the followers. Talking instead of listening can lead professionals to miss important information.

Faulty Assumption 4: Listening Is a Natural Ability. Listening may seem like a natural ability—like breathing. But, it is an ability that requires work and practice.  Everyone does it, but few do it well. This is not a voluntary function. We need to work at it.

All Listeners do not Receive the Same Message

When two or more people are listening to a message, we assume they all are hearing and comprehending the same thing. That is not the case.

Think about perception, everyone perceives messages differently. Therefore, the interpretation of a message can be different.

Physiological and psychological factors, social roles, cultural backgrounds, personal interests and needs all shape the data we hear into different messages.

Faulty Listening Behaviors

Because listening is hard work, we often fall into one, or more, of the seven faulty listening behaviors:

Pseudolistening

false/fake listening; and imitation of listening. We often go into auto pilot because we think we know what we need to look like when we listen, when in fact, we are faking it.

Selective Listening

Responding to only what interests us.

Defensive  Listening

Taking innocent comments as personal attacks. Such as the teenager who perceives mom or dad’s questions into what they are doing as snooping.

Ambushing

Catching certain parts of what was said and paying attention for those parts to take what the speaker says, turn it around, and attack them with their words. Reporters and journalists are notorious for doing this.

Insulated Listening

The opposite of selective listening; when an uncomfortable topic arises, they choose to avoid it to protect themselves from something.

Insensitive Listening

Taking a speaker’s remarks at face value and not taking into context the nonverbal cues that are relayed. This often leads to an insensitive response. If you told someone you had to put your dog down after having the dog in your life for 13 years, especially if the person did not really like dogs, an insensitive listener may respond with: “Well, why don’t you just get another dog?” They did not pay attention to the fact that you are upset about your dog being put to sleep and responded insensitively.

Stage Hogging

Also called a “conversational narcissist”. They try to turn the conversation back to themselves instead of showing interest in the speaker. They do not listen to anything, but want to be listened to and take the stage. They often will interrupt to turn the conversation to them.

Barriers to Effective Listening:

Reasons for Poor Listening

Message overload

Too much information is sent in too little time and there is too much to process. And, competing sources…too much background noise is causing an inability to hear, therefore we fall into a bad behavior.

Rapid thought

Our brains work faster than most people speak. On average, we can understand approximately 250-600 words per minute. However, most people will speak about 100-140 words per minute. There is a bit of a time lag. We will often times start to wander in our minds if we are not getting information fast enough. But, it cannot be too fast or it will be message overload.

Psychological/Physiological noise

This is internal noise (within you). 

Psychological noise is the noise in our heads. If we are thinking of something else, we will not be able to clearly receive the message. Thus falling into a faulty behavior.  Also, depression, anxiety, and ADD/ADHD can fall here.

Fear of appearing ignorant – Some people think asking for clarification is a sign of ignorance. Rather than seek clarification, they pretend to understand—often with unfortunate consequences.  This another part of psychological noise as it fits into anxieties.

Physiological noise is interference from our bodies such as headaches, illness, pain or injuries,  and hunger and fatigue that will result in an inability to receive messages sent.

Environmental noise/barriers

External noise from the environment like talking, hammers banging, music and even temperature in a room or incoming calls or text will result in an inability to receive messages sent.

Hearing Problems

Sometimes part of physiological noise which will cause us to listen poorly can be related to hearing problems. In some cases, we may not realize we have these issues or we are in denial. These problems can be treated. A phenomenon that is occurring with some younger people is that there are some younger ones who are listening to the iPods and MP3 players to loudly and that is resulting in hearing problems. These issues may not be recognized just yet. But, listening to these players too loud may result in hearing issues.

Faulty Assumptions

Sometimes we may assume we know what someone is going to say or we push their remarks aside because we think they have no value. If we think that we are better than another person, or our idea is better, we may not listen. This is plain egotistic.

Egocentrism – The belief that your own ideas are more important or valuable than those of others.

Talking has more apparent advantages than listing

Some people think that talking more will gain more. Yes, the ability to speak well and to convince others is important. But, in some cases speaking at the right time can lead to people appreciating you more and talking too much can result in stage hogging. In addition you can miss a lot of important information by talking too much. You are likely to discover you will learn more, and probably gain the appreciation of the other person, if you learn to listen and learn when to speak.

Cultural differences

As reviewed in module two, there are some cultures who value silence more than speaking. Americans are more impressed by listeners who ask questions and make supportive statements. Iranians tend to judge people’s listening skills based on more subtle indicators such as posture and eye contact. Some cultures may overlook a quick glance at a cell phone or TV, others may interpret this behavior as rudely inattentive.  Ethnocentrism can also create barriers.

Ethnocentrism – The belief that your cultural background is superior to others.

Part 5: Listening Styles

Task Oriented Listening

Aims to secure information necessary to get the job done.  Efficiency is their biggest concern.  They expect speakers to get to the point quickly and stay on topic. 

Not surprisingly, task-oriented listeners are often impatient. An excessive focus on time can hamper the kind of thoughtful deliberation that some jobs require.

Examples: following an instructors comments in class, hearing a description of a new piece of merchandise, getting tips from a coach on how to improve your athletic skills, or taking directions from your boss.

Relational Listening

Aims at emotionally connecting with others. Relationally oriented listeners are typically extroverted, attentive and friendly. They are more focused on understanding and empathizing with people rather than controlling them.  They listen to understand how others feel, are aware of their emotions, and are highly responsive to those individual.

Drawbacks are this style can easily become overly involved with others’ feelings, and even to internalize and adopt them.

Analytical Listening

Aims to fully understand a message. Analytical listeners want to hear details, explore an issue from a variety of perspectives, and attend to the full message in order to understand it as fully as possible before coming to a judgement.

Their thorough approach can be time consuming. It may take them a long time to come to a conclusion. So when a deadline is approaching, they may not respond as quickly as desired.

Critical Listening

The goal is to go beyond trying to understand and analyze the topic at hand, and instead try to assess its quality. Critical listeners apply the tools of analytical listening to see whether an idea holds up under careful scrutiny with a strong desire to evaluate messages. This type of listening can be especially helpful when the goal is to investigate a problem such as a police interview or audit.

People who are critical listeners can also frustrate others who may think that they nit-pick everything others say.

Which one do you think you fall into?

Part 6: Listening and Social Support

Listening requires effort!

Mindless vs. Mindful Listening

Mindless listening: occurs when we react to others’ messages automatically (habitually) and routinely, without much mental investment.  Sometimes this sort of low-level processing can be useful because it frees us to focus our minds on messages that require our careful attention.  Sometimes this means we are not paying attention and thinking about what is said, how it is said, and how we should respond.

Mindful listening: involves giving careful and thoughtful attention and responses to the messages we receive.  Listen, process, think THEN respond.

Listening to Understand

Following the advice here can boost your accuracy in listening mindfully to the message:

  • Withhold judgement.
  • Talk and interrupt less.
  • Ask questions.
  • Paraphrase.
  • Attend to nonverbal cues.
  • Take notes (especially at work).

Listening to Evaluate

Once you are sure you understand a message, you are ready to evaluate its quality. Most evaluations are based on two levels of analysis: evidence and emotion.

  • Analyze the speaker’s evidence.
  • Examine the emotional appeals.
  • Then evaluate and determine a response if needed.

Supportive Listening 

The primary aim is to help the speaker deal with personal dilemmas.

Types of Supportive Responses

Advising response — to help by offering a solution.

Analyzing Statement — listener tries to help by offering an interpretation of a speaker’s message.

Questioning — a questioning response can also be a way to help others think about their problems and understand them more clearly.

Comforting — comforting responses can be in agreement of the speaker to make them feel more validated, can be an offer to help, can be praise to lift the person up, reassurance to make them feel more confident, a diversion to get their mind off of a situation, or acknowledgement to reassure their feelings.

Prompting — involves using silences and brief statements of encouragement to draw others out, and in doing so to help them solve their own problems.

Reflecting — used to emphasize that the goal is not as much to clarify understanding as to help the other person hear and think about the words he or she has just spoken. It is important to reflect the thoughts and feelings you hear being expressed.

When and how to help

Before committing to help another person, even if someone is in obvious distress, make sure your support is welcome. Many regard uninvited help as intrusive.

Also, on the job, depending on the situation, sometimes personal issues are not welcome.  It may be good to recommend seeking help, or speaking to a counselor or HR rep if they are available at the workplace.

When help is welcome, there is no best way to provide it. All styles can help others feel better. You can increase odds of choosing the best helping style by considering these three factors:

  1. The situation
  2. The other person
  3. Your own strengths and weaknesses

In most cases, a combination of styles will help to meet the needs of the situation, help the person and suits your personal style of communication.

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